We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Randomize
