my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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