We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
