I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
