If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
