i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
