Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
