dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
