Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
