420 ftw
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
