i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
