STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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