Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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