At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
