You really coming over, don't trick.
Dual....:-)
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
