is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
