dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
