we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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