So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
