STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
