I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
