Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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