dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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