this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
