I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
