It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
