do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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