My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
