You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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