tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
where does the pee come out of this thing
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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