We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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