Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
