Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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