She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
