I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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