She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
