My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
