apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
