Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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