uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
