omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
