I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
