i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
