Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
