I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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