It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
