Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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