My room smells like vodka and shame
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
