i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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