why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
