I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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