He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
