i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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