How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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