Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
