just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
