you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it was like eating out sand paper
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
