I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
