Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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