Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
