The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
