Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
