quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
