i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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