forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
