And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
