The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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