i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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